Pop-Tarts Red, White & Berry

Shame on you, Pop-Tarts...

This summer's special flavor of the famous pastries was Red, White & Berry, in honor of Independence Day.

Unfortunately, these seem to be an identical rehash of last year's 2012 Team USA flavor, minus the "gold medal" foil wrapping.  What's worse, the few pastries I could stomach were stiff and dry, as if last year's stock had been repackaged and reused.  I can't prove that, and so I won't try.  But it's a disturbing prospect.

I have no problem reusing a review for a reused product.  Click here to read it.


Pop-Tarts Red, White & Berry:- Good
Original Pop-Tarts(Strawberry, for comparison):- Good

Doritos Locos Tacos (Tortilla Chips)

They say that sometimes reality imitates art, right?  Well, just a few months ago while trying to highlight the ridiculousness of Ice Cream Oreo Cookies N' Cream, I stated that the snack's self-referential aura makes similar to if Doritos went ahead and made a Taco Bell Doritos Locos Tacos chip variety.  In the end, that's exactly what they did.

Doritos has rolled out two limited time flavors to celebrate the cross-branded tacos that Taco Bell now sells that features Doritos seasonings.  Luckily for us, Doritos did not attempt to make a chip seasoning that attempts to capture the essence of the product that captured the essence of original Doritos(like Oreo did), but instead sought to create an artistic approach that captures of the spirit of the product.

The company has resorted to its old "two flavors, one bag" paradigm in creating these two products: each bag contains either the original Nacho Cheese chips or Cool Ranch chips, along with another flavor that Doritos is calling Crunchy Taco.

The aroma of the Crunchy Taco chips is somewhat spicy and indicative of a dry chile powder, which is like many other products from this brand.  The taste, however, is completely new.  After a while, I realized that these chips attempt directly to mimic the seasoning that Taco Bell puts on their ground beef, and the resemblance is quite accurate.  The two major flavors are chile and coriander, and there's a bit of cumin in the background.  These are delicious, and I wish Doritos would produce this chip on its own.

Simply put, it's my opinion that these new chips are much better when paired with Nacho Cheese than with Cool Ranch.  The above-mentioned cocktail of spices simply go better with cheese than the other cocktail of spices and herbs that is Cool Ranch.  I was never one to dip everything in ranch dressing anyway, but these days that seems to be a popular thing to do.

Doritos Tacos Locos Nacho Cheese Crunchy Taco:- Great
Doritos Tacos Locos Cool Ranch Crunchy Taco:- Good

Arizona Cherry Lime Rickey

I'm not really sure what Arizona is going for by calling this a Rickey and a "Brooklyn Original".  The Rickey is a highball-style cocktail originally created right here in DC to combat the oppressive humid District summers.  Skeptical in mood, I dove in.

The taste is much better than expected.  Both the cherry and lime in this manage to not taste like cheap candy versions of themselves, which isn't something I often come across for either lime or cherry beverages.  The cherry is soft and sweet... a reminder of Mountain Dew Code Red.  The lime is bright and tangy.  On top of all this, Arizona has added additional sourness that really makes this rather sweet drink refreshing.  This stuff is awesome.

A Rickey this is not, but a delicious drink this is.


Arizona Cherry Lime Rickey:- Great

Pop-Tarts Frosted Marshmallow Hot Chocolate

Pop-Tarts didn't skimp on rolling out winter flavors this past year.

I was particularly excited to pick up these, which seem like they'd be really good, right?

I think I see what they tried to do here, but the execution didn't result ideally.  Hot chocolate tends to stay fairly mild in terms of cocoa flavor, right?  Well, such a light hand with the cocoa in these pastries ended up having its dominance challenged by the marshmallow, which Pop-Tarts has been known to use liberally.  The balance is off.  What's worse, the resulting character of these reek of a artificial candy-like flavor, akin to Pop-Tarts Yum-Azing Vanilla. I feel like they could have done better, but I'm not sure how.  Perhaps an item like Hot Chocolate with Marshmallows isn't well able to be reduced to a breakfast pastry.


Pop-Tarts Frosted Marshmallow Hot Chocolate:- Passable
Original Pop-Tarts S'mores(for comparison):- Great
 

Mega Stuf Oreo

Oreo's foray into decadence and hedonism is becoming a caricature of itself.

Deciding that Double Stuf or Triple Double is not enough, Oreo has decided to indulge the truly unbalanced of its fans and has issued Mega Stuf, which is otherwise a "Triple Stuf", from what I can tell.

This is getting ridiculous.  Whereas I thought Double Stuf was disharmonious, this is simply cacophonous.  Each bite has within it a sugary crunch as your teeth slog through the glacier of creme, which people like to exalt, but is, in morbid reality, simple sucrose crystals with a dash of vanilla flavoring, all suspended in some sort of fat that is solid at room temperature(which I believe used to be lard years ago).

I think that Oreo should be innovating in the opposite direction.  I'd rather see Half Stuf instead of Mega Stuff.  There are even those that wish they could buy the cookies plain.

I'm not sure how to rate these.  I find these mostly inedible and in the 1-NOM range, but I owe the public success of Double Stuf the benefit of the doubt here.  I'm letting Oreo off with a warning.  Satire is dead.

Mega Stuf Oreo:- Good
Original Oreo(for comparison):- Great

Reese's White Peanut Butter Egg

Last year I felt the need to document the harmonious balance that Reese's achieves with their yearly issuance of the Reese's Peanut Butter Egg.

This past spring, they've decided to combine this product with the fairly hard-to-find White Chocolate Reese's Cup to make the White Chocolate Reese's Peanut Butter Egg.

There's not much to detail here.  The chocolate-peanut butter balance is just as in tune as the original, but I feel that the white chocolate works less well.  It's still delicious, and still a step above the rest.


Reese's White Peanut Butter Egg:- Great
Original Reese's Peanut Butter Egg(for comparison):- Great

Lay's Sweet Onion

In 2012 Lays seemed to issue this limited edition flavor out of the blue: Sweet Onion.

I wasn't too enamored with the idea, and I learned that I felt the same about the taste.

With such a simple flavor base, as I expected, Lays calls upon a few other ingredients to play a support role.  Each bite begins strong with onion, which isn't unpleasant, but a formidable sweetness arises in the form of sugar.  Perhaps Lays worked a bit too hard to drive home the "sweet" onion character, as this combination doesn't seem very natural.  Midway through each bite and on the swallow, there is a strong herbal note of thyme, and perhaps even parsley and oregano.  The thyme note is strong, and I feel it's misplaced.  This strong herbal punch reminds me a bit of Lay's Chicken and Waffles.  Imagine a bunch of potatoes drowned in a run-of-the-mill sweet onion salad dressing, and you've got the picture.

I'm a potato chip freak, and if someone gave me another bag of these, it would gather dust on the shelf.  We're barely in the 2-NOM range, here.


Lay's Sweet Onion: - Good
Original Lay's(for comparison): - Great