Doritos Ultimate Garlic Parmesan

 

Product circa: July 2026

Part of Doritos' semiquincentennial recognition.  Because garlic and parmigiano cheese are so American?

Anyway, LMAO - these taste shockingly like Doritos Cool Ranch, with perhaps a bit more garlic, and maybe the sour cream is a bit more "aged" to be cheese-like.  But the DNA is still Cool Ranch, through and through.  How disappointing and hilarious.

Herr's Jalapeno Cream Cheese and Hickory Barbecue

 

Products circa: July 2026

Labeled "United" and "Liberty", these are semiquincentennial products, this time Philadelphia-coded as "Flavored 4 Philly".  I have no idea how these flavors relate to the city, but Herr's is known as a fantastic regional brand located not far from it.

Jalapeno Cream Cheese: Essentially a sour cream & onion flavor, with a greenery amped up a bit by green chile, and perhaps the sour cream powder goes a bit deeper in flavor so as to be "cheese".  The heat builds up just a bit after a couple bites.  Not bad, but I won't remember these.

Hickory Barbecue: It starts as your typical barbeque flavor, but it's clear that the hickory here as a much more deep and woody flavor than your average chip.  One of the best bbq chips I've had to date.

Ruffles Buffalo Wings

 

Product circa: July 2026

Another semiquincentennial, and this time a truly quintessential (there's a pun in there somewhere) American flavor.

I've had plenty of "hot sauce" chips before, but these are among the best.  It's because they cranked up the boldness of the flavor, and also the vinegar seasoning, such that it actually evokes proper Buffalo wings.  Bravo.

Birthday Cake Cheerios

 

Product circa: summer 2026

Birthday, get it?  Whether this product is meant to celebrate the USA's semiquincentennial or simply Independence Day in general, it is not called out anywhere on the box, except for the fireworks as part of the design.

I was excited, but I'm not sure why.  I don't think cereal was ever going to taste like cake.  Instead, you had a generalized vanilla frosting flavor added to the Cheerios, with perhaps the sprinkles also being notable.  Not bad at all, to be sure, but it's about as good as any sweetened Cheerios varietal.

Gatorade All-American Mashups

 

Product circa: July 2026

I bought this fully having no idea what it was.  It turns out that it's a mystery flavor in celebration of the semiquincentennial.

As the internet would suggest, this stuff is a dead ringer for guava.  It feels like it tastes less salty than your average Gatorade, as well.  A really nice change of pace, but nothing too special.

Fritos Flavor Twists Spicy Dill Pickle

 

Product circa: Summer 2026

I guess "spicy dill pickle" is plenty zeitgeisty enough to be an "American" flavor as part of this US semiquincentennial promotion.

They really provided "the works" of flavor profiles here for this snack.  I've tried plenty of spicy pickle snacks recently, and this is different.  This seems to have a ranch flavor base, with dill flavor added, with salt & vinegar powder added, and also the "red hot" flavor on top.  They're not unpleasant, but they are very busy in an All Dressed kind of way.  More than anything, this snack highlights that the flavor twists form factor provides an impressive crunchy texture when using new-fangled flavors, and I wish Fritos experimented with them more.

Pringles Wendy's Baconator

 

Product circa: 2020

You love to see cross-branding like this.  Unfortunately, these come across as a little one-dimensional.

Despite not having any meat products in these, the first and most prominent flavor is smoky pork.  After that… really nothing.  No beef or cheese… which, it seems, is literally all that is in a Wendy’s Baconator.  The ingredients list boasts things like spices, cheese powder, and tomato powder, but I don’t get any of it.  Just smoky pork rind-like powder, and that’s it.  It could be part of how old this can is, though it was air-sealed and is in great condition.

Milk Chocolate Graham Pop-Tarts

This is the 2nd product that Pop-Tarts issued to celebrate their 50th anniversary.  The first one was a bust.  What about this one?

This one is better.  I'm a sucker for un-frosted Pop-Tarts, mainly for the fact that the texture of the flaky crust is much more noticeable and pleasant.  Similar to the old Gingerbread Pop-Tarts, the crust here is reminiscent of a whole-grain baked good, with bits of wheat/oats/whatever even visible in the crust when you look closely.  The result is more tender than usual with a nice earthy graham cracker flavor.

The chocolate filling is pleasant in its restraint.  They dialed back the sweetness here to give a mild flavor that nicely compliments the delicate crust.  This is one of those products that is more sophisticated than it is bold, and I love it when that happens.

By the way, all the thoughts I've written above refer to how the pastry tastes when it's heated or toasted.  Oddly, when eaten cold, the texture is unremarkable and the flavor is almost nonexistent.


Milk Chocolate Graham Pop-Tarts:- Great
Original Pop-Tarts S'mores(for comparison):- Great

Pop-Tarts Chocolate Vanilla Creme

Pop-Tarts were introduced in 1964, making 2014 the brand's 50th Anniversary.  They've introduced two limited time flavors for this occasion.

I'll start the first "Birthday Edition" Pop-Tarts review by saying that ephemeral Pop-Tarts are usually pretty remarkable, if not notable, at least.  These buck that trend.  What's worse, this flavor is supposedly a flashback to a successful past variety of Pop-Tarts.  Why they brought these back, I don't know.

The company forgot to put any flavor along with the sugar in this product.  The chocolate pastry is only vaguely reminiscent of chocolate, with plenty of their full-time products hitting a higher mark in this category.  The creme is supposedly vanilla creme, but it doesn't taste like it.  Its sweetness is on par, of course, and if I try hard, I can detect the slightest notes of powdered milk or powdered cream.  That's it.  No vanilla.

Oddly, this product doesn't improve when toasted and warm, like most Pop-Tarts do.  I just don't get what they were trying to do here.


Pop-Tarts Chocolate Vanilla Creme:- Passable
Original Pop-Tarts S'mores(for comparison):- Great

Arizona Cherry Lime Rickey

I'm not really sure what Arizona is going for by calling this a Rickey and a "Brooklyn Original".  The Rickey is a highball-style cocktail originally created right here in DC to combat the oppressive humid District summers.  Skeptical in mood, I dove in.

The taste is much better than expected.  Both the cherry and lime in this manage to not taste like cheap candy versions of themselves, which isn't something I often come across for either lime or cherry beverages.  The cherry is soft and sweet... a reminder of Mountain Dew Code Red.  The lime is bright and tangy.  On top of all this, Arizona has added additional sourness that really makes this rather sweet drink refreshing.  This stuff is awesome.

A Rickey this is not, but a delicious drink this is.


Arizona Cherry Lime Rickey:- Great

Birthday Cake Oreo

Oreos are the kind of food that I don't think to buy very much (via self control), but when I do, they're just too easy to eat.

I was ecstatic to see these special edition Oreos, especially since 1) Oreo releases special colored versions all the time, but rarely flavored ones, and 2) the cake-flavored fad is one I can get behind, with cake batter ice cream perhaps being my favorite variety.  This Oreo flavor celebrates Oreo's 100th Anniversary.

The flavor of these Oreos fall somewhere between the deliciousness of cake batter ice cream and the pointlessness of cake vodka.  That not-quite-vanilla cake flavor is captured in the cream (which has adorable colorful flecks, like confetti cake mix), but it doesn't quite capture that malty, starchy, doughy flavor that cake flavored products sometimes can.

They're delicious, and no less easy to eat than the original.

Birthday Cake Oreo:                   (Great)

Original Oreo(for comparison): (Great)


Acquired: Wegman's