Pop-Tarts Splitz

Product circa: autumn 2018

Surely Pop-Tarts has better ideas than simply mashing products together, right?  Maybe not.

These pastries are bifurcated into two different flavors on each half of the pastry.  Each side is also frosted differently.

The sugar cookie side: Not bad.  It has a doughy, buttery, cake batter vibe.  It tastes like the (obnoxiously named) Printed Fun Pop-Tarts Frosted Sugar Cookie, but not as good.

The brownie batter side: Good, but it doesn't have the "batter" taste, like the other side does (even though the other side really shouldn't).  It's a tasty chocolate Pop-Tart, but it's forgettable.

Each side eaten together: nothing special, certainly not greater than the sum of the parts.

Before we close, I need to share the absolutely hilarious comic panel from the back of this product's box:

Pop-Tarts Splitz:- Good
Original Pop-Tarts S'mores(for comparison):- Great 

Snickers Espresso, Sweet & Salty, and Fiery

Product circa: summer 2018

Glad to see Snickers getting into the "ephemeral trio" game!  They've been known to issue limited varieties before, but it's been a while.

Espresso: This is the most subtle of the three.  You can't actually taste the coffee, but whatever coffee flavoring that they do add to this product changes the flavor of the chocolate itself.  This is very nice, and a slightly different experience than the original product.  This goes to show why many different kinds of chocolate dessert recipes call for instant coffee as a flavor enhancer.

Sweet & Salty: I'm not sure what I expected here, but I liked this more that I thought I would.  On first bite you'll notice more salt than usual, which is confirmed on the product's sodium count on the label.  I guess I thought this product would simply contain more sodium, but in fact it has crunchy bits of salted toffee throughout.  It's quite pleasant.  If you're into salted caramel, you'll love this.

Fiery: The first bite or two will taste identical to the original product.  A few bites in, you'll notice a dull burn in your throat.  A few bites after that, you'll actually start to taste that chile was added to the flavor of this product.  It's really well executed.  This is probably the best spicy candy that I've ever tasted.

Overall, while none of these break the 3-NOM barrier, this trio is a great lesson in how to do balanced and nuanced variations of a classic.

Snickers Espresso:- Good

Snickers Sweet & Salty:- Good

Snickers Fiery:- Good

Original Snickers(for comparison):- Good

Lay's Fiery Habanero

Product circa: August 2018

Well this was a pleasant surprise to see in the store!  Especially as I've been honing my own Jamaican Jerk recipe this summer.

Anyway, the punch line is that these are disappointing.

While a decent heat builds after a few chips, the flavor is mostly uninteresting.  The distinct flavor of scotch bonnet is not present, and instead it seems to be a fairly generic blend of chile and spices/aromatics.  There's even a strange sweet barbecue flavor.  These chips are so non-distinct that the bag could have had a dozen different flavor names on it and it would have been passable.

Speaking of "passable", this product will be rated 1 NOM.  They're easily 2 NOMs in terms of flavor, but the execution of its namesake's flavor is too lazy.

Lay's Fiery Habanero:- Passable
Original Lay's (for comparison):- Good

Ephemeral Crunchy M&M's

Products circa: summer 2018

M&M's have issued a poll product for no apparent reason.  Maybe they're trying to mimic some success had by Lay's as of recent?

These three flavors are new varieties of M&M's Crunchy version.  The rice-krispy part of these candies make them very pleasant and really easy to eat more and more.  Each flavor also comes with a corresponding change in the colors of the candy shells.  Fun!

The first is Crunchy Mint.  Nothing special here.  It's a refreshing peppermint flavor that you'd expect from any other mint-chocolate candy.  There's a cooling menthol in here as well, not unlike Junior Mint candies.

The second is Crunchy Raspberry.  The flavor here is actually quite good.  The raspberry is natural-tasting, and almost juicy.

The third is Crunchy Espresso.  Very nice.  The flavor is like instant coffee, and not in a bad way.  It could have been made a bit stronger though.

Overall, a very decent showing.

M&M's Crunchy Mint:- Good
M&M's Crunchy Raspberry:- Good
M&M's Crunch Espresso:- Good
Original M&M's Crunch(for comparison):- Good

Mountain Dew Ice

Note: This is a Presumptive Ephemeral Nom.

Product circa: 2017-2018 (and onward?)

Pepsico is at it again with a variation on Mountain Dew that sounds so generic that it makes one wonder if it's already been released in the past.

But nope, Mountain Dew Ice came about in 2017 and it seems to have been available continually since then until the writing of this post.

Its colorless appearance and boasts of "lemon lime" on the label adequately prepare you for the sip; it's just a lemon lime soda that fits well into the Sprite-7Up-Sierra Mist archetype.  It tastes fine, and is not noticeably better or worse than those ilk.

What separates here are two things: the oft-insisted combination of both sugar and 0-calorie sweeteners by Pepsico, and the addition of caffeine.  So if you've been looking for a caffeinated lemon lime soda that has less calories than its competitors, then this stuff is for you!  But not for me.


Mountain Dew Ice:- Good
Original Mountain Dew(for comparison): - Great

Cherry Cola Oreo

Product circa: spring 2018

This product was part of a poll product series along with Kettle Corn Oreo and Pina Colada Oreo Thins.

I have to commend Oreo for really getting weird with their flavors this time around, and this one sits on top as one of the craziest yet.  I love just about anything that's flavored like cola, so I was excited.

On the first bite you might get a taste of cherry that reminds you of cough medicine, but it quickly subsides.  What's next is the pleasant commercial cola flavor, probably the same type that's used for the gummy cola candies that you can find.

Not bad, right?  But wait!  These Oreos contain popping candy in the creme, just like the Firework Oreos!  Oh no!!

But it's too late.  Your mouth and throat start crackling and vibrating, and it lasts long after the swallow.  I guess Oreo wants to simulate the cherry cola's carbonation?  Some might like it, but I do not.  The flavor's enjoyable, though.

Cherry Cola Oreo:- Passable
Original Oreo(for comparison):- Great

Lay's Beer 'n Brats

Product circa: autumn 2017

I love chips that attempt to taste like meat, and I've had some pleasant beer-flavored chips before as well, so I went in with high hopes.

I wasn't disappointed.  I was intrigued enough after the first few bites to examine the ingredients list.  Prominent on the list is yeast extract.  In some forms you might know the stuff as Vegemite, but in this form it's simply a pale powder used to simulate the flavor of beer.  It's delicious.  Not only does it give the yeastiness that's reminiscent of beer, but it's also packed with umami flavor.

A curious addition to the ingredients list is cheese.  What?  After spending too long thinking about it, I decided to keep eating.  After eating way more than I should have, I realized that the cheese serves to add a dairy-like creaminess to the chips without making them taste cheesy.  This creaminess is very akin to the creaminess of a good bratwurst sausage.

All in all, the two ingredients in question result in something that, if at the very least approaches what it's like to each bratwurst and drink beer, is completely delicious.  A very clever effort from the food scientists, and something that I'd buy regularly if I saw it regularly.


Lay's Beer n' Brats:- Great
Original Lay's(for comparison): - Great

Pina Colada Oreo Thins

Product circa: spring 2018

This is the third product in the spring 2018 Oreo poll product segment.

I don't think I've said it before, but I absolutely love Oreo Thins.  I've always been of the school that the less Oreo creme, the better.  Double Stuf Oreo was never great to me, and you can read about my thoughts on Mega Stuf Oreo here, where I fantasized about an "Half Stuf" Oreo.

Well, Oreo Thin is here for good, and thank god.  The wafers are cracker-thin, and the creme is a light spread.  The cookies crumble in your mouth without needing to use teeth.  In my opinion, the balance is better.

Anyway, the smell of these things is decided buttery.  This may simply result from the butteriness of the coconut, but it's also possible that there is a bit of added butter flavor to the cookies.  On the bite, the coconut becomes immediately apparent, and it will take you a few chews to notice the pineapple.  These are pretty tasty, but they're much too sweet.  They're lacking a tanginess that would really elevate them into something unstoppable.

In the end, Oreo Thins Coconut is now a permanent product, and I would rather have those.

Pina Colada Oreo Thins:- Good
Original Golden Oreo Thins:- Great 

Gatorade Flow Watermelon Mist

Product circa: summer 2018

Gatorade Flow has existed as an off-shoot of Gatorade for a few years now.  Supposedly Gatorade Flow products taste or finish "smoother" than the original drink.  Personally, I notice no difference.  With that said, some of the other Flow flavors have tasted just fine.

This stuff tastes exactly as you'd expect: liquefied watermelon candy.  I can't detect anything additional that would make it taste unique.  It's too sweet.  If they made it a bit more tart, it'd be a more refreshing and unique product.

Gatorade Flow Watermelon Mist: - Passable
Original Gatorade(Orange, for comparison):- Good

Firework Oreo

Product circa: summer 2017 & 2018 (and future?)

Oreo is really ramping up their creativity... perhaps because they're running out of creme flavors?  Anyway, this time they've injected un-branded Pop Rocks into the creme.  Why?  Well, why not?

I find these to be quite unpleasant.  Despite the fact that the creme tastes more or less the same as usual, the textural and physical manifestations of these ruin the entire experience for me.

The bite is normal, but once you start chewing, your teeth will crunch down on the rocks in the creme and it will give you the sensation of chewing on sand.  As your saliva touches the rocks, they will start popping, giving you the expected sensation as if you were eating the popping candy normally.  However, because the rocks are suspended in creme, some of them won't begin popping until you swallow.  It is at that point when you will distinctly feel the popping in the middle of your head, going down your throat.  I can almost feel it in my skull.  The sensation is unique and quite uncomfortable.

Even with the worst Oreos, I'll go back for another to relish in the disaster.  Not so with these.  Eating them is so unnerving that I can't stomach (or "throat", rather) more than one or two.

Firework Oreo: 0 Noms - Unpleasant
Original Oreo(for comparison):- Great

Mountain Dew Mango Heat

Product circa: Autumn 2016

More and more you'll find that food companies are adding spicy touches to products for which they're otherwise inappropriate.  I find this trend mostly boring, and I wasn't exactly excited when I cracked open this bottle.

This product was issued as yet another Mountain Dew Game Fuel, in recognition of the release of Titanfall 2.

Mango is much like its strawberry, watermelon, and banana counterparts: the flavor used in candy and beverages bears very little resemblance to how its natural version actually tastes.  With that said, I'm fine with how "fake mango" tastes.

Your sip will start with a very pleasing fruity flavor before you soon realize that, as this is a modern Mountain Dew variation, it uses 0-calorie sweetener along with sugar.  It takes a swallow to discern the spiciness that's added to the drink.  It's not unpleasant, but it's also not pleasant.  After a few sips I really start to enjoy the "fake mango" flavor(despite the sweeteners), which is the same as any other mango soft drink.  It's enjoyable stuff, and it would have been refreshing in the right circumstance, if it weren't spicy.

But so long as Pepsico keeps adding silly sweeteners to new products, they'll never garner more than 2 NOMS.


Mountain Dew Mango Heat:- Good
Original Mountain Dew(for comparison):- Great 

Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreo

Product circa: Valentine's Day 2018

Nabisco, you monster!

Oreo has done it again, creating a variety of cookies that, when read about online, make you check the URL to make sure you're not on TheOnion.com.  If the junk food market segment were motorsports, Oreo would be the king of drifting, constantly skirting the line between traction and complete disaster.

This time they've seemed to use the common theme of the color red to create a Valentine's Day treat using a chocolate cookie and creme flavored like Red Hots.  You can't make this stuff up.

How is it?  Freaking delicious.  A step-cousin of the Cinnamon Bun Oreo, this guy sports a chocolate cookie over vanilla, and a candy cinnamon flavor instead of the stuff you might find in a pie.  With a combination that sounds awful on paper, it works.  It's hard to explain or describe.  The creme is warming (only barely spicy) and strongly flavored, but the chocolate cookie takes your mind off of it so that it's not overwhelming.


Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreo:- Great

Original Oreo(for comparison):- Great

Kettle Corn Oreo

Product circa: Spring 2018

Shout-out to my girl Shannon for hooking me up with this!

Oreo is proving that quality and quantity isn't already a zero-sum game.  They're doing another trio of flavors for which consumers can vote.

One of new three flavors out this season is Kettle Corn.  For some reason, Oreo has decided to use pieces of puffed millet to simulate the texture of popped corn.  Maybe it's cheaper, or it fares better maintaining crispiness than corn when inside the creme?

Anyway, Oreo nails it again.  Upon first chomp, you'll taste a caramel-toffee note that makes you feel like you have a handful of caramel popcorn.  It's uncanny.  It's like you're at a baseball game with a box of Cracker Jacks.  You'll swear that you can feel the texture of the popcorn just by the flavor; the texture of this snack isn't extremely characteristic.  It's not mind-blowingly tasty, but again Oreo chooses an unique idea and executes the flavor to perfection.

Kettle Corn Oreo:- Great

Original Golden Oreo(for comparison):- Great

Red Velvet Oreo

Product circa: 2015

There's not much to say about this one.  I'm surprised it took so long for Oreo to make a red velvet version.  Red velvet cakes are essentially chocolate cakes with cream cheese frosting.

The cookie tasted the same to me, but my buddy swears that wafers had a different flavor from the original.  Beyond that, the creme had a buttery cream cheese taste that's absolutely delicious.  It's as good as the original, but in a different way.

Red Velvet Oreo:- Great

Original Oreo(for comparison):- Great