Firework Oreo

Product circa: summer 2017 & 2018 (and future?)

Oreo is really ramping up their creativity... perhaps because they're running out of creme flavors?  Anyway, this time they've injected un-branded Pop Rocks into the creme.  Why?  Well, why not?

I find these to be quite unpleasant.  Despite the fact that the creme tastes more or less the same as usual, the textural and physical manifestations of these ruin the entire experience for me.

The bite is normal, but once you start chewing, your teeth will crunch down on the rocks in the creme and it will give you the sensation of chewing on sand.  As your saliva touches the rocks, they will start popping, giving you the expected sensation as if you were eating the popping candy normally.  However, because the rocks are suspended in creme, some of them won't begin popping until you swallow.  It is at that point when you will distinctly feel the popping in the middle of your head, going down your throat.  I can almost feel it in my skull.  The sensation is unique and quite uncomfortable.

Even with the worst Oreos, I'll go back for another to relish in the disaster.  Not so with these.  Eating them is so unnerving that I can't stomach (or "throat", rather) more than one or two.

Firework Oreo: 0 Noms - Unpleasant
Original Oreo(for comparison):- Great

Mountain Dew Mango Heat

Product circa: Autumn 2016

More and more you'll find that food companies are adding spicy touches to products for which they're otherwise inappropriate.  I find this trend mostly boring, and I wasn't exactly excited when I cracked open this bottle.

This product was issued as yet another Mountain Dew Game Fuel, in recognition of the release of Titanfall 2.

Mango is much like its strawberry, watermelon, and banana counterparts: the flavor used in candy and beverages bears very little resemblance to how its natural version actually tastes.  With that said, I'm fine with how "fake mango" tastes.

Your sip will start with a very pleasing fruity flavor before you soon realize that, as this is a modern Mountain Dew variation, it uses 0-calorie sweetener along with sugar.  It takes a swallow to discern the spiciness that's added to the drink.  It's not unpleasant, but it's also not pleasant.  After a few sips I really start to enjoy the "fake mango" flavor(despite the sweeteners), which is the same as any other mango soft drink.  It's enjoyable stuff, and it would have been refreshing in the right circumstance, if it weren't spicy.

But so long as Pepsico keeps adding silly sweeteners to new products, they'll never garner more than 2 NOMS.


Mountain Dew Mango Heat:- Good
Original Mountain Dew(for comparison):- Great 

Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreo

Product circa: Valentine's Day 2018

Nabisco, you monster!

Oreo has done it again, creating a variety of cookies that, when read about online, make you check the URL to make sure you're not on TheOnion.com.  If the junk food market segment were motorsports, Oreo would be the king of drifting, constantly skirting the line between traction and complete disaster.

This time they've seemed to use the common theme of the color red to create a Valentine's Day treat using a chocolate cookie and creme flavored like Red Hots.  You can't make this stuff up.

How is it?  Freaking delicious.  A step-cousin of the Cinnamon Bun Oreo, this guy sports a chocolate cookie over vanilla, and a candy cinnamon flavor instead of the stuff you might find in a pie.  With a combination that sounds awful on paper, it works.  It's hard to explain or describe.  The creme is warming (only barely spicy) and strongly flavored, but the chocolate cookie takes your mind off of it so that it's not overwhelming.


Hot & Spicy Cinnamon Oreo:- Great

Original Oreo(for comparison):- Great

Kettle Corn Oreo

Product circa: Spring 2018

Shout-out to my girl Shannon for hooking me up with this!

Oreo is proving that quality and quantity isn't already a zero-sum game.  They're doing another trio of flavors for which consumers can vote.

One of new three flavors out this season is Kettle Corn.  For some reason, Oreo has decided to use pieces of puffed millet to simulate the texture of popped corn.  Maybe it's cheaper, or it fares better maintaining crispiness than corn when inside the creme?

Anyway, Oreo nails it again.  Upon first chomp, you'll taste a caramel-toffee note that makes you feel like you have a handful of caramel popcorn.  It's uncanny.  It's like you're at a baseball game with a box of Cracker Jacks.  You'll swear that you can feel the texture of the popcorn just by the flavor; the texture of this snack isn't extremely characteristic.  It's not mind-blowingly tasty, but again Oreo chooses an unique idea and executes the flavor to perfection.

Kettle Corn Oreo:- Great

Original Golden Oreo(for comparison):- Great

Red Velvet Oreo

Product circa: 2015

There's not much to say about this one.  I'm surprised it took so long for Oreo to make a red velvet version.  Red velvet cakes are essentially chocolate cakes with cream cheese frosting.

The cookie tasted the same to me, but my buddy swears that wafers had a different flavor from the original.  Beyond that, the creme had a buttery cream cheese taste that's absolutely delicious.  It's as good as the original, but in a different way.

Red Velvet Oreo:- Great

Original Oreo(for comparison):- Great

Frosted Maple Bacon Pop-Tarts

Product circa: mid-2016

We're a bit past the bacon craze, aren't we?  Don't mistake what I'm saying for disappointment, however.

You bite, and the first seconds afterwards all you can taste is brown sugar, reminiscent of Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tarts, one of their most prolific varieties.  It's not nearly as sweet as you expect, probably to remind you that this aims to be a slightly savory product.

A few bites in, however, you'll notice something a bit more; I'd call it a "porky" flavor, not unlike fried pork rinds.  But disappointingly, there's no smoke, which is what would really make this product distinctive.  Upon leering at the ingredients list, I find that these Pop-Tarts have MSG added to them, probably for the meaty/umami flavor to make you think of bacon more.

In all, not bad at all, and a welcome change.

Pop-Tarts Frosted Maple Bacon:- Good
Original Pop-Tarts Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon(for comparison):- Great

Mountain Dew Spiked Lemonades

Product circa: early 2017

Mountain Dew really can't seem to give up on its image that it's somehow related to alcohol.  These two "spiked" products now make up a trio of recent Dew products that specifically have to spell out on the packaging that they are non-alcoholic.

Otherwise, these look to be an honest effort on Pepsico's part.  Real sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup.  Real fruit juice added.  No artificial sweeteners.  Let's crack them open and get to sippin'!

Upon tasting, "sour" is the first term that might waft into your mind, or rather, smack you in the head.  The third ingredient in this product is citric acid, the fourth is a lemon juice concentrate, and the fifth is prickly pear juice.  The prickly pear is unnoticeable, but the raspberry pleasantly comes through in the Raspberry Lemonade.  Surprisingly, the regular Spiked Lemonade is better.

The balance is a little off, and the considerable tartness prevents you from tasting quite everything.  It's almost as if this stuff needs a bit more sugar... wait a minute... <looks harder at the ingredient list>

Sigh.  Let it be known that Mountain Dew Spiked is slightly bamboozling you here.  Because of the existence of Stevia, consumers need to be aware that "No Artificial Sweeteners" no longer means "No 0-calorie Sweeteners."  Spiked has both sugar and Stevia, and my taste buds suspected it from the first sip.

Maybe I'm biased, but it's my opinion that consumers can be divided into two groups on this subject: those who like 0-calorie sweeteners, and those who do not.  I don't think combining sugar and Stevia into one product magically bridges the gap between both market segments.

Everything from children's cereal, to baked goods, and now to soft drinks are using sugar-Stevia combinations to bring down calorie counts, and that's fine.  But what's not fine is not conspicuously labeling the addition of 0-calorie sweeteners.

Mountain Dew is choosing not to do that, and while it may increase the number of first time buyers, I bet it will decrease repeat buyers.  Buyers like this guy.


Mountain Dew Spiked Lemonade:- Good
Mountain Dew Spiked Raspberry Lemonade:- Passable